Will you change yourself for just ONE person?

Devil Doll

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#41
umm if you are in a relationship you do change naturally little by little
you want your relationship to work out so you try hard to make your partner happy
 

Arachna

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#42
I guess it does come natural.As you said. I don't find it as a good thing. If a person likes you.Then he /she should like you as you are.With all the virtues and flaws you do have.
Anything else just leads to fights and misunderstanding.And then eventually a break up.
 

Rineru

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#43
Some situations in my life changes me, sometimes I unknowingly change because of the influences of the people around me, I'm willing to change something in myself but only the bad traits or habits that I have nothing more, there is nothing bad to change yourself for one person if it is for the better 'cause it's just means you're improving yourself.
 

Core

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#44
I guess it does come natural.As you said. I don't find it as a good thing. If a person likes you.Then he /she should like you as you are.With all the virtues and flaws you do have.
Anything else just leads to fights and misunderstanding.And then eventually a break up.

Booooohooring


Nobody ever changes. PERIOD!!1!!1!!11!eleven!1!1one!
 

Xiga

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#45
I would, though only to a certain extent. I would also question why she/he asked me to change in the first place. I would also ask for her/him to change her/his oppinion on the matter, and if not, ask for her/him to change her/his views on the matter. Something must have caused him/her to want me to change. What? why? It all really comes down to that.
 

Core

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#46
Would you really change though? or would you only change outwardly? It has always been a big debate on whether or not outward appearance is what or who you are or your actual thoughts on the matter.


It is true: Marriage is compromise.
Which means sometimes youll do things you dont want to do(or change) and sometimes they will have to.

However the real question is: Can you change how you feel about certain things?(I like football! SO YOU MUST LIKE IT TOO, you agree to watch every game with him, but you will never even be interested or like it. is that really change?)

It doesnt matter how/why/what/where. As much as you think it might. Those factors can only help you decide whether or not you want to lie to your partner.

This is of course accepting the following premise(You've done/tried everything your partner likes and vice versa therefore you already know whether or not you will like or not like doing something)
 

Xiga

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#47
Would I really change inwardly? Well, its about changing your attitude towards it that is the first and hardest part. If you get passed that I believe that one will eventually change her or his way of being. And yes I really do think i would change. At first, yes, it would only be outward as I am a stubborn person, but after a while I believe i would accept it and change. If it despite that wouldnt work for me, I would talk to whoever wanted me to change, and even then I am already changed. Do you follow or am I just rambling..? I mean, after I TRIED something, i will always carry that experiance with me, and that experiance is something that usually changes people, even if its only to the tinyest change..
 

Core

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#48
Would I really change inwardly? Well, its about changing your attitude towards it that is the first and hardest part. If you get passed that I believe that one will eventually change her or his way of being. And yes I really do think i would change. At first, yes, it would only be outward as I am a stubborn person, but after a while I believe i would accept it and change. If it despite that wouldnt work for me, I would talk to whoever wanted me to change, and even then I am already changed. Do you follow or am I just rambling..? I mean, after I TRIED something, i will always carry that experiance with me, and that experiance is something that usually changes people, even if its only to the tinyest change..

Next time @Core me so that I dont forget I posted here :D

But I understand your ramblings :p There is a problem with that though and here comes a question you will probably not be able to confidently answer:

Have you ever done it consciously? Have you ever actually consciously changed what you are for someone?


Because you hear it all the time: trying.

Trying leads to frustration, frustration leads to stress, stress leads to anger and despair.
Everyone wants to believe they can change but there are only a select few that actually do.

If you want my advice and I am not saying this to be bastard but to save you frustration: Turn it into a compromise game.
Example:
You like cuddling his arm, so you agree to watch football with him if you can cuddle his arm.
You dont even have to tell them thats the idea in your head, but this way you can rightfully admit that football has you interested cause you get to cuddle his arm!

That kind of thing works... however theres a problem with it too... dont ever use it during an argument:
THE ONLY REASON I WATCH FOOTBALL WITH YOU....

Thats bad :p

True its deception. But you both get something you want. No stress, No trying, no problems. [MENTION=1257]Xiga[/MENTION]
 

Xiga

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#49
[MENTION=1543]Core[/MENTION]:
No I have never done it, yet. But I do believe that I know myself and how I would act if i got into a situation where I had to try it. The things I have written is exactly what I would do, I believe.

Trying leads to frustration, frustration leads to stress, stress leads to anger and despair. Everyone wants to believe they can change but there are only a select few that actually do.
This is only the negative side of Trying. Trying can lead to Experiance, and new insights and success. It doesnt always swing the bad way you know ;)
 

Core

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#50
This is only the negative side of Trying. Trying can lead to Experiance, and new insights and success. It doesnt always swing the bad way you know ;)

[MENTION=1257]Xiga[/MENTION]

Granted, I believe that you believe you can change. Unfortunately you also mentioned that you are stubborn and that axe swings both ways. Stubborn enough to not change.. and stubborn enough to believe you can. It simply is not the same as quitting smoking :p

This is only the negative side of Trying. Trying can lead to Experiance, and new insights and success. It doesnt always swing the bad way you know ;)
You are correct but in your lifetime how many of those experiences have you had where you consciously gained new insights, experience and success when it comes to changing yourself?
 

Hamuko

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#51
Mmmn.. To be honest, yes I would actually if I really like that person. I would do the things that person likes, listen to the music they like etc because I want to feel close I guess. But in a way that is really bad since it's not a natural feeling that builds over time. ;.;
 

Core

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#52
Mmmn.. To be honest, yes I would actually if I really like that person. I would do the things that person likes, listen to the music they like etc because I want to feel close I guess. But in a way that is really bad since it's not a natural feeling that builds over time. ;.;

Sorry to bother you aswell but its hard finding active people at this time.. could you read the discussion that is a few posts before you?

Changing the question from WILL YOU... to CAN YOU...

[MENTION=1890]Hamuko[/MENTION]
 

Hamuko

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#53
Hmm.. Yes you can change for someone. Even if you can't see it or don't notice the very minute changes but they're there. You can still feel some type of way for a person but slow change without you knowing it. Change is the only constant after all. It's inevitable. But I feel like I'm not proving my point as much but I'll try to post here again later D: I have to head to school now
 

Core

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#54
Hmm.. Yes you can change for someone. Even if you can't see it or don't notice the very minute changes but they're there. You can still feel some type of way for a person but slow change without you knowing it. Change is the only constant after all. It's inevitable. But I feel like I'm not proving my point as much but I'll try to post here again later D: I have to head to school now

Yea I would like to hear a better explenation later, mostly if not only because change is not constant. If it was constant it wouldnt be a variable. :)

But a slow change will not save a relationship therefore a slow change defeats the purpose dont you think?
And also: If you completely apathetic for something now.. you cant change that. But if there was even a spark it becomes a variable. Maybe in reality the biggest issue for some is that they have absolutely no clue what it is they really like and are too stubborn to try new things and therefore: change.
 

Xiga

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#55
Who said I was stubborn enough not to change? I said that it would take time for me to change because I am stubborn. Not that I wouldnt ><And I would say that its like quitting smoking, if smoking is a part of you o.o
You are correct but in your lifetime how many of those experiences have you had where you consciously gained new insights, experience and success when it comes to changing yourself?
Well Its not like anyone conciously thinks: Hey I am gaining a new insight, experiance.
If we change the word to Addapt, I think verry often so. For example, even to those you arent close to you addapt to. Im thinking about school and jobs. if there is something you dont like, you addapt to the situation and do it in a different way for the effectiveness. If someone doesnt like you, you addapt to stay clear from that person.
But we dont go around and think; I am now changing for you because you want me to stay out of your way. Its just something we do.
If they ask; Hey can you close the door after yourself when you leave the kitchen, and yo are used not to, you usually start to addapt to the request and close the door after you. Sooner or later you changed the part of yourself that always wanted the door open.

Eugh rambling again.. My point I guess; its about how big the changes are, and how much the change in fact has a rutine in your daily life. ><
 

Core

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#56
Who said I was stubborn enough not to change? I said that it would take time for me to change because I am stubborn. Not that I wouldnt ><And I would say that its like quitting smoking, if smoking is a part of you o.o

Well Its not like anyone conciously thinks: Hey I am gaining a new insight, experiance.
If we change the word to Addapt, I think verry often so. For example, even to those you arent close to you addapt to. Im thinking about school and jobs. if there is something you dont like, you addapt to the situation and do it in a different way for the effectiveness. If someone doesnt like you, you addapt to stay clear from that person.
But we dont go around and think; I am now changing for you because you want me to stay out of your way. Its just something we do.
If they ask; Hey can you close the door after yourself when you leave the kitchen, and yo are used not to, you usually start to addapt to the request and close the door after you. Sooner or later you changed the part of yourself that always wanted the door open.

Eugh rambling again.. My point I guess; its about how big the changes are, and how much the change in fact has a rutine in your daily life. ><
@Xiga

Now were not talking about changing yourself for your partner anymore. That precise example about closing the door is something that can be conditioned.

But can you be conditioned to like football?

(And I hope you dont take this personally but I have to ignore the comments about "changing to avoid someone" since thats a topic that has to do with running away and not changing. Because everything youve pointed out so far has been OUTWARD CONDITIONING if that makes sense.. and yes you can teach your body to go through the motions.. but can you teach yourself to love Football?)

So the answer to your point: This is not a change to your daily routine. This is a mental change.

You can say to yourself everyday: I LIEK FOOTBALL.
The change in your routine is: you keep telling yourself you like football.
But does this eventually change how you actually feel about football?

(And about the stubborn thing, You said you were stubborn, i just extrapolated. Stubborn people are usually stubborn in most if not all things. So saying you are stubborn about one thing means you probably are about everything hence my implication. Apologies)
 

Andyroo

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#57
Never gonna change myself for anybody... I can adapt my lifestyle to fit theirs in, but never would I outright change my own