Entry 4:
"A rainbow, it's a rainbow!" my younger brother excitedly pointed out the arched color spectrum that had formed over our heads. A rainbow is in itself a most mysterious entity. It brings to mind an old tale about a leprechaun hiding his gold at the end of the rainbow. I used to believe in that story, and I still do to this day. I myself have a story to tell about the rainbow.
As a teenager, I always had trouble with managing my anger. Any small disturbance could cause me, using a cliche expression, to see red, and a snide comment always meant an instant ticket to meet my fist. Everyone who knew me learnt how to keep from offending me. I'm not sure if it was because of that, which made people start to avoid me, as they got tired of trying not to offend me altogether. I also got livid over people avoiding me on purpose. I would question their cowardice, how they avoided me instead of being straightforward and telling me they have a problem with me.
Then the person who would change my life forever appeared. Comparing the two of us would be like comparing apples to oranges. We were two different entities. Polar opposites. When we first met, we clashed. I remember it not being pretty. It wasn't surprising that we would, but it was annoying when I remember how much she pissed me off. Our first meeting went a little something like this.
I remember a girl with brown hair tied in a ponytail approaching me. Her face was angular, she had green eyes. Her name was Jeanette.
"Hey, you." she had greeted me in a hostile tone, and I was irritated at that.
"What?" I snapped.
"I've heard rumors of a silly little snob who couldn't take insults. Is it because your brain is smaller than your fist?"
She was looking for trouble, and I knew it. But if I retaliated with violence, it would only prove her right.
"Whoever you heard that from must have had the brain the size of a peanut himself. I'm not afraid to take you on."
And just like that, everyday, the two of us would exchange all forms of verbal banter, ranging from insults, witty comments and remarks about each other's sexuality. This continued for a few weeks.
One day, she approached me. I was getting ready a large arsenal of replies to whatever she would say, but it was obvious my large arsenal didn't include anything to counter what she had approached me for.
"It appears we'd gotten off to a bad start. I've enjoyed our battle of wits, but it's gotten a little tiring." she sighed. "Honestly, after these few weeks, I'm surprised that you haven't raised your fist against me, after all I've heard about you."
"Yeah, well, I'm surprised I haven't raised my fist against you either. It might be because of what you said when we first met."
And on that day, two completely different entities stopped clashing against each other. It's hard not to sound cliche here, but from the worst of enemies, we became the best of friends. Many things about her surprised me. At first, I'd thought of her as some high-and-mighty whore. To me, it was surprising that she had a sense of justice. It was surprising that we actually had something in common. It was surprising that we weren't as different as I thought we were.
Most of all, it was surprising that I was attracted to her.
And she knew it.
I had always been a total coward when it came to romance. Perhaps it was the trauma of having other kids tease me about childish romances when I was younger. Perhaps everyone would have gone through that at one point of time in their lives, but it affected me badly. Yes, that was me, the yellow-bellied fool, too afraid to ask a girl out. Perhaps I was afraid of losing her as a friend.
A month later, we gathered a bunch of friends to celebrate her birthday. It was a fun party, that one. Somehow, someone had gotten his hands on a case of beer. All of us then promptly proceeded to get wasted on the beer. While I was drunk, I remember doing something that made me very happy. I don't regret getting drunk that night.
"Jeanie," which was my pet name for her, "will you go out with me?" I posed her the question in front of everyone. She blushed and gave the green light, in the form of a small nod. Everyone else was cheering, for they had known that I had a thing for her for ages now. That was the only moment that night which I remember clearly.
Certainly, that night made me feel elated. I would always thank the person who brought the beer to the party. But the story couldn't be this simple. We had been dating for a while now, and things slowly deteriorated to the point where we were back to the first time we had met. It was my fault, really, now that I think about it. I was paranoid and over-possessive, whenever she spoke to another guy, I would get suspicious and question her about it.
Maybe I couldn't see the signs, but one day, after a bout of argument, she finally brought it up. The one thing that really broke my heart.
"Let's just break up." she said in a huff of anger.
"Alright, fine!" I shouted at her. I turned on my heel, immediately regretting what I just said, but I wasn't going to take it back. Not now. It would take a miracle for me to take back what I just said.
For the rest of the week, I was feeling blue and just out of it. I felt like I could not reclaim what I had lost. Jeanie... Her existence meant more than anything else in the world at that moment. And I had lost her. To what? A fit of anger and rage. That was all it took to bring our relationship to an end.
One day, I saw Jeanie holding hands with another guy. It made me feel irritated, but I could do nothing about it. I had already broken up with her. There was nothing I could do about it. But, at that time, I had a friend with me who gave me advice that I thank him for.
"If you're going to give her up without even fighting for her, then she's better off with someone else."
I stood up immediately and walked over to them.
"Jeanie, we have to talk."
She turned to look at me.
"Please, Jeanie," I begged.
The other guy with her started to get irritated.
"Can't you see that she doesn't want to speak to you?"
"Shut up. This is none of your business." I retorted.
All I did was piss him off, though. A single punch that threw me onto the floor. Jeanie coming to assist me. Out of sympathy? I don't know. But I had gotten her attention. The other guy stormed off.
I had called Jeanie out to a small hill nearby the school, at a time when the sky was painted indigo. I sat on the grass, waiting for her to appear. If she still cared for me, she would appear. I thought about what would happen, thought about the time we spent together.
"What's with you, getting yourself hurt just to call me out here?"
I turned around and saw Jeanie standing behind me. She was there, smiling at me. I stood up. As if we knew what the other was thinking, we hugged each other. She whispered softly into my ear.
"I've missed you."
"I've missed you too."
That exchange was perhaps all we needed to communicate our feelings at that moment, and we stood in each other's embrace for a second or two. Finally, we let go. The two of us, on the small hill near our school, with the sky dappled a deep hue. I took her face in my hands, staring deeply into those eyes, those green eyes. Slowly, I brought her face closer to mine, and I could feel her breath on my face. My lips touched hers, and we kissed beneath the sky that had now turned violet, signifying the end of this story.
The rainbow shone brightly above. Do you remember the tale of the gold at the end of the rainbow? I chased the rainbow to the end. There, I didn't find any gold. What I found was the person most precious to me, Jeanie.