WotF #4 Voting

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  • The Realm of Dreams

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  • Midnight Dream

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Shadowolf

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#1
Entry 1: The Real of Dreams



“He was said to be the Soldier of Freedom forever wandering in the Realms of Dreams. He would have no face as either Captivity and Freedom have no face. He could weaken the strong and turn evil in to good. He was Balance. He could turn light into the darkness and darkness into light, but ever since the humanity came down to this world and darkened everything around, he was nothing more than a whispered dream, never to be seen or heard while he wandered in the silent world of Dreams, as the world got captivated by its own power. With his last strength he created his Dream of Light in the shape of a indestructible globe. Might you ever find this globe and get to face this man without a face, fear him not, but treasure him as your friend. He might make it possible for you to see, your own Dream of Reality.â€



Casidhe stared at the globe of light in her hands excited as she heard the ancient text coming from the globe the moment she touched it. This was it, this was the Globe of the Ancients. The only True Light left in the world and the only way for her to save her little brother from the dark Aysiki, creatures made out of the Darkness of the Heart of Blaecleah, the last King that ever ruled. The Aysiki had made her little brother sick, with every breath a bit of Darkness would sip in his heart, making him food for the Aysiki.



Casidhe’s eyes started to hurt from looking at the light shimmering in her hands. Carefully she placed the Globe in her bag. She could still see the light trough the bag.



“Gesthe me nu luacte, muadrek!â€



She jumped three meters up in the air, well at the very least it felt like three meters. She had no time left the Aysiki had spotted her and they did not like her taking the Globe of the Ancients out of the Box of Darkness. And they probably didn’t like it that she ‘accidently’ destroyed their precious box that could shield away the bright light of the Globe either.

She hurried to the window to jump out of it into the Black River, but the Aysiki had already captured her and made her swallow in their darkness. In a last struggle to win she took the Globe out of her back and held in to her chest pleading the Soldier Of Freedom to save her brother of the very creatures that were choking her with their evil powers. The light of the Globe faded and the world went Dark for real.



“Are you okay, Casidhe?â€



It was the voice of her little brother. Her head was on the edge of exploding so she just groaned a bit.



“Open your eyes carefully, okay?â€



She did as he told her. Something was out of place, her eyes started to throb and she closed them again. Her headache became even worse.



“What happened?â€



“You fell asleep. Well, you are still sleeping.â€



“What happened to the colours? Why do they hurt my eyes? Are you okay with all that brightness, Dalaigh?â€



A silence fell as Casidhe opened her eyes again searching for her little brother, only seeing a man pulsating with light. With the voice of her brother he told her he wasn’t her brother. Casidhe had to catch her breath and keep in the scream as the faceless man turned to her.

“My name is Fiach, please, do not fear me. I mean no harm.â€



She only noticed now that the voice she heard came from her own head and not from the faceless man before her. She slowly crept out of bed and studied the glowing man. It was fascinating how he actually shined. Then it suddenly became clear for her.



“Are… Are you the Soldier of Freedom?â€



“I am not familiar with that name. But I’ll help you find him if you need to find him.â€



He wasn’t familiar with that name? Who didn’t know about the Soldier of Freedom, the last hope for mankind to gain back their Freedom from the Aysiki. Unless of course, he was the Soldier of Freedom. It would make sense he never knew of that title because he had already disappeared before the Ancients called him the Soldier of Freedom. But that soldier was supposed to be trapped in the Realms of Dreams.



“Fiach? Where are we?â€



“In the Realms of Dreams. I think it’s your dream as I’m able to interact with you. You can see my prison, right? And you can hear me talk to you…â€



“Your prison? What is your prison? Is this dream… my dream… Is my dream your prison?â€



Fiach shook his head. “No, it’s this body that keeps me trapped in this world. You can see it sit right there, right?â€



Casidhe nodded slowly as she stood up and inspected her house. Everything was so colourful, so bright, so beautiful. She moved outside and she saw something that was the most incredible thing she had ever seen. The sun. Her neighbors greeted her with a smile and in the garden was her little brother playing with the neighbor’s child. He was healthy and laughing away. When he saw her he stood up and ran towards her.



“Cassy, Cassy. Look, we found a bird’s nest!â€



Dalaigh brought her to the tree and pointed to the nest. Casidhe cried. Her eyes hurt off all the beautiful things and the bright light but she couldn’t close them. She wanted to see everything of this perfect world. The dead tree in the garden was full of leaves, the grass on the ground was green and some young flowers held up their heads to her and spread sweet aroma’s. She kneeled down next to her brother and neighbor and enjoyed the warmth of the incredible sun.

When she felt a hand on her shoulder she was afraid it would be an Aysiki forcing her back to Reality, but it was Fiach.



“Do you like this Dream?â€



It was weird for her to hear her brothers voice in her head when her brother was right in front of her but she nodded and laughed for the first time in her life. She stopped the moment she heard the sound of her laugh.



“Uhm, sorry. I’m not sure what I just did.â€



“Why are you letting Reality get to you when your Dream makes you so much happier?â€



“What are you saying? This is a Dream, it’s a mere Fantasy. It doesn’t exist, only in my head!â€



The man without a face remained silent pointing the emptiness of his face at Casidhe. Then he shook his head. “Are you trying to tell me that I do not exist? That I am a mere Fantasy?â€



“I am! There is no way you can’t have a face!â€



The world changed immediately, the sun blacked out and her little brother disappeared at the same time as the trees and the grass and all that existed. She stood in complete darkness. She felt the cold and could hear the whispers. The Aysiki had arrived. She was back in Reality where the Aysiki ruled, where she was about to die.



“Moekate, sket strumpe ai nec trismut."



The chills went down her spine as she could see the Aysiki right in front of her face. He was telling her that she had to give the Globe back or die as their food right now. But she would never give away the only item in the world that could save her brother. The Globe had lost its light earlier but she could still feel its warmth. It might still work. She just had to get it to Dalaigh. She had to save him. Even if it seemed impossible, even if the Aysiki took her… if he was save then nothing else matters.



“Is this really the Reality you want?â€



The Aysiki shrank and backed away from the light the man without a face emitted.



“What are you talking about? This IS reality. There is nothing I can do about that.†She was growing tired of this man without a face.



“If this was reality then how can I be here? I was a mere Fantasy remember?â€



Casidhe was dumbfounded. Fiach had a point there. He was the Soldier of Freedom for sure. But he was locked up in the Realms of Dreams. There was no way he could be here. There was no way a Man without a face could exist in Reality.



“How can a man without a face exist?!â€



“I have a face, dear Casidhe. You just can’t remember it.â€



“What are you talking about?! I never ever saw your face before. Nobody did! You’re a LEGEND, you hear? The man without a face, The Soldier of Freedom? The man that could save this world from those awful Aysiki creatures? That’s YOU. And you’re really not doing great job. Now, just help me save my little brother would you? Those creatures fear you, so I might be able to reach my little brother and save him with this globe of yours.â€



Fiach nodded and guided her to her house where her little brother was fast asleep in his own bed, sick. He was already starting to fade into the darkness. She kneeled down and placed the globe in his hands. He groaned at its warmth.



“Dalaigh, come on. Take it. It will make you feel better. It will heal you. Dalaigh!!â€



He dissapeared, but she couldn’t hear the laughs of the Aysiki nor could she feel the warm hand of Fiach. She could only stare at the spot where used to be her brother and now was an Aysiki. It grinned victoriously at her.



“Casidhe, you should wake up. Look at me.â€



She slowly turned around with tears in her eyes. Her sole purpose of living got consumed by the darkness and turned in to a Aysiki, the very creature she hated. She would never ever see him again, she would never be able to touch him again. She lost him. Her precious little brother, her only light. Nothing mattered anymore if he was gone.



Fiach touched her face. “Remember my face… Casidhe!â€



His light dimmed and slowly but surely they were standing in complete darkness again. Fiach had disappeared together with Dalaigh, she was all alone now as the cold fingers of the Aysiki grabbed her and took her with her for the eternity of darkness. The cold, brute world of Darkness where deaths were the standard. Murders committed without being seen, without hearing the victims. A world of complete nothingness.



“Remember my face…†It echoed through her head as she saw her life passing by.







At her left side she felt her husband’s hand, at her right the small hand of her son. They were quietly talking to one another. Her head was blank. She couldn’t remember anything but the weird nightmare she just had. A nightmare about darkness and no freedom.

Someone entered the room, someone she didn’t know.



“Mister Enos?†Casidhe felt her husband move. “Your wife has been in a severe condition after the car accident, but she seems stable now. Her brains seems to be damaged quite badly and there is a high possibility that she might not remember anything. I am also sorry to tell you that there is a chance she will not awaken from her coma.â€



Her son started to sob. The doctor shouldn’t have bluntly told that while he was in the room. He might be 5 years old but he sure was a very clever boy.



“Dalaigh…†Her voice was a mere whisper, but the room went silent instantaneously.



“Mommy?â€



With utmost effort she opened her eyes and smiled to her son. Her husband hurried to her side. “Casidhe…â€



“Fiach.†She wanted to touch him, but she couldn’t move.



“Welcome back, my love.â€





Whew that was it oh ahah I forgot to put in the title of the eh story thingie ^^" I think uh well I might have put it in I can't remember D: So even if I did write it in part 1 the title is:
 

Shadowolf

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#2
Entry 2: Midnight Dream





Dusk have broken

On a distant country

And the marines

Continue their warfare



One is sniping

One is killing

One is healing

And one is praying



Praying to god

To take him out

Of that hell

And back home



Midnight is on

The fight continues

Blood and corpses

Are the only view



But this marine

Still awake

Dreams of home

And his friends



At midnight straight

A marine wishes

For his house

And wife

To see again



The war continues

Never sleep

Just a day

For the marines



He still wishes

For his return

Not in a coffin

But in a plane



A midnight dream

It may come true

If you pray enough

And believe it

Will happen to you.





Please vote fvor your favorite
 

Emeralda

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#3
For this one I'll be totally biased and judge it on personal preferences.



1st one got the vote, it was a nice read, although the names were giving me a feel of something exotic and oriental, and it was distracting me.



2nd one, I can appreciate the overall work into making a military poem, but yeah, I'm not keen on seeing military aspects put so bluntly in free verses.
 
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#4
Firstly, I would like to thank this week's entrants for participating in this contest.



Now, for my assessment of both entries:





Entry #1



Not too shabby. However, I spotted a whopping twenty-two errors in the entry upon my first read, including grammar and punctuation, coupled with a few run-on sentences. Still, I will not judge the entry on its linguistic accuracy alone.



The story itself is engaging. The use of made-up (?) terms did help to increase the overall mysteriousness of the piece. The atmosphere created is strong enough to disguise the lack of background info (which isn't necessarily a bad thing, by the way). The concept of multiple dreams could have been better executed though. In this case it came across as rather confusing in the initial read, though upon further analysis the entire situation is clearer. Striking a balance between complexity and understandability is essential for the ideas you express in the story to gain efficacy.



One problem I have with the piece is the conflicting impression I get of the characters. In the sentence - "She jumped three meters up in the air, well at the very least it felt like three meters.", which is also a run-on sentence, and I'm assuming that the second part of it is her own thoughts, she seems rather... Oh, I don't really know how to convey it properly. If you have a character going around and inserting random short thoughts into any event that happens, you sort of lose the effect of said character being distraught and in tears. Still, I know that this is an extremely difficult skill to master, the ability to focus on the emotions that matter (even I can't pull it off perfectly), so I won't fault you for that.



All in all, a commendable job. I enjoyed reading the entry!









Entry 2 (which has 2 errors, by the way)



Ah, where to begin? Firstly, it feels almost as if you took a normal prose, threw it in a sausage-making machine and arranged those short phrases into a poem. Poems don't work that way.



If I were to

Write like this you

Would get annoyed

Too, right? The

Entire sentence

Is disconnected, thus

You lose the flow.



Sure, this isn't prevalent in every single stanza of the poem, yet its very presence ruins the whole atmosphere of the poem.



Another thing I noticed was the tendency for the poem to lapse into a word salad (that is, throwing random unlinked phrases together). This is especially obvious in the seventh stanza:



The war continues

Never sleep

Just a day

For the marines



Coupled with the reader's tendency to read this poem as prose after the prose-but-cut-up-into-lines style of the preceding stanzas, the obvious discontinuity between the lines stands out even more, like a sore thumb.



Also, the theme of "dreams" wasn't effectively expressed in the entry. The last stanza felt like a silly cop-out, as if you were writing a poem about war, then suddenly remembered that the theme was "dreams". It's a theme. It needs to be noticeable everywhere in the poem. It needs to be the basis on which the poem flows, not a motif dropped in at the end.









In all, my vote goes to Entry #1.



Good work, entrants!
 
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#6
[quote name='Shadowwolf' timestamp='1307153863' post='145676']

Congratulations to HappyNisa, the winner of this Writing of the Forenight

[/quote]



Voting is supposed to last two weeks, yo.
 

HappyNisa

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#7
Ehh yeah thought so too o_O oh but Hadriel help me spot those mistakes D: I found 18 myself but where are those other 4 D: D: lol lol when I read that i was like WHAT?! 22?! lol lol should have overlooked it better when I finished it >.<" some of the mistakes were cause of me turning things around or editing coz of the maximum length D: lool but that was bad of me D: the running-ons sentences are probs coz whenever i write in dutch I usually write in the first person >.<" but then I figured it would end up being even harder to understand so I had to make it third person >.>" and shadow actually let in a part of my message to him xD

I feel bad for the other particitpant D: but I have to agree the theme was hard to spot I realy liked that last verse btw ^^



A midnight dream

It may come true

If you pray enough

And believe it Will happen to you.



That part xD but yeaaahhh I'm happy i won *O* even though the voting wasn't that long ><
 
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#8
@Nisa



Sure. Upon closer inspection, I found 39 errors (I think).



[quote name='Shadowwolf' timestamp='1306961743' post='143336']

Entry 1: The Real (Realm) of Dreams



“He was said to be the Soldier of Freedom forever wandering in the Realms of Dreams. He would have no face as either (neither) Captivity and Freedom have no face. He could weaken the strong and turn evil in to (into) good. He was Balance. He could turn light into the darkness and darkness into light, but ever since the humanity (humanity) came down to this world and darkened everything around, he was nothing more than a whispered dream, never to be seen or heard while he wandered in the silent world of Dreams, as the world (as it) got (was) captivated by its own power. With his last strength (improper phrase) he created his Dream of Light in the shape of a (an) indestructible globe. Might (may) you ever find this globe and get to face this man without a face, fear him not, but treasure him as your friend. He might make it possible for you to see, (no need for a comma) your own Dream of Reality.â€



Casidhe stared at the globe of light in her hands excited (excitedly) as she heard the ancient text (you don't hear text; you hear words) coming from the globe the moment she touched it. This was it, (.) this was the Globe of the Ancients. The only True Light left in the world and the only way for her to save her little brother from the dark Aysiki, creatures made out of the Darkness of the Heart of Blaecleah, the last King that ever ruled. The Aysiki had made her little brother sick, (.)(run-on sentence) with every breath a bit of Darkness would sip (seep) in his heart, making him food for the Aysiki.



Casidhe’s eyes started to hurt from looking at the light shimmering in her hands. Carefully she placed the Globe in her bag. She could still see the light trough (through) the bag.



“Gesthe me nu luacte, muadrek!â€



She jumped three meters up in the air, (.)(run-on sentence) well(,) at the very least it felt like three meters. She had no time left(.)(run-on sentence) the Aysiki had spotted her and they did not like her taking the Globe of the Ancients out of the Box of Darkness. (,) And they probably didn’t like it that she ‘accidently’ destroyed their precious box that could shield away the bright light of the Globe either.



She hurried to the window to jump out of it (repetitive) into the Black River, but the Aysiki had already captured her and made her swallow in their darkness (bad grammar). In a last struggle to win she took the Globe out of her back and held in (it) to her chest pleading the Soldier Of Freedom to save her brother of (from) the very creatures that were choking her with their evil powers. The light of the Globe faded and the world went Dark for real (bad phrase).



“Are you okay, Casidhe?â€



It was the voice of her little brother. Her head was on the edge of exploding so she just groaned a bit.



“Open your eyes carefully, okay?â€



She did as he told her. Something was out of place, (.)(run-on sentence) her eyes started to throb and she closed them again. Her headache became even worse.



“What happened?â€



“You fell asleep. Well, you are still sleeping.â€



“What happened to the colours? Why do they hurt my eyes? Are you okay with all that brightness, Dalaigh?â€



A silence fell as Casidhe opened her eyes again searching for her little brother, only seeing a man pulsating with light. With the voice of her brother he told her he wasn’t her brother. Casidhe had to catch her breath and keep in the scream as the faceless man turned to her.

“My name is Fiach, please, do not fear me. I mean no harm.â€



She only noticed now that the voice she heard came from her own head and not from the faceless man before her. She slowly crept out of bed and studied the glowing man. It was fascinating how he actually shined. Then it suddenly became clear for her.



“Are… Are you the Soldier of Freedom?â€



“I am not familiar with that name. But I’ll help you find him if you need to find him.â€



He wasn’t familiar with that name? Who didn’t know about the Soldier of Freedom, the last hope for mankind to gain back their Freedom from the Aysiki. Unless of course, he was the Soldier of Freedom. It would make sense he never knew of that title because he had already disappeared before the Ancients called him the Soldier of Freedom. But that soldier was supposed to be trapped in the Realms of Dreams.



“Fiach? Where are we?â€



“In the Realms of Dreams. I think it’s your dream as I’m able to interact with you. You can see my prison, right? And you can hear me talk to you…â€



“Your prison? What is your prison? Is this dream… my dream… Is my dream your prison?â€



Fiach shook his head. “No, it’s this body that keeps me trapped in this world. You can see it sit (sitting) right there, right?â€



Casidhe nodded slowly as she stood up and inspected her house. Everything was so colourful, so bright, so beautiful. She moved outside and she saw something that was the most incredible thing she had ever seen. The sun. Her neighbors greeted her with a smile and in the garden was her little brother playing with the neighbor’s child. He was healthy and laughing away. When he saw her he stood up and ran towards her.



“Cassy, Cassy. Look, we found a bird’s nest!â€



Dalaigh brought her to the tree and pointed to the nest. Casidhe cried. Her eyes hurt off (from) all the beautiful things and the bright light but she couldn’t close them. She wanted to see everything of this perfect world (bad phrase). The dead tree in the garden was full of leaves, the grass on the ground was green and some young flowers held up their heads to her and spread sweet aroma’s (aromas). She kneeled down next to her brother and neighbor and enjoyed the warmth of the incredible sun.

When she felt a hand on her shoulder she was afraid it would be an Aysiki forcing her back to Reality, but it was Fiach.



“Do you like this Dream?â€



It was weird for her to hear her brothers voice in her head when her brother was right in front of her but she nodded and laughed for the first time in her life. She stopped the moment she heard the sound of her laugh.



“Uhm, sorry. I’m not sure what I just did.â€



“Why are you letting Reality get to you when your Dream makes you so much happier?â€



“What are you saying? This is a Dream, it’s a mere Fantasy. It doesn’t exist, only in my head!â€



The man without a face remained silent pointing the emptiness of his face at Casidhe. Then he shook his head. “Are you trying to tell me that I do not exist? That I am a mere Fantasy?â€



“I am! There is no way you can’t have a face!â€



The world changed immediately, the sun blacked out and her little brother disappeared at the same time as the trees and the grass and all that existed. She stood in complete darkness. She felt the cold and could hear the whispers. The Aysiki had arrived. She was back in Reality where the Aysiki ruled, where she was about to die.



“Moekate, sket strumpe ai nec trismut."



The chills went down her spine as she could see the Aysiki right in front of her face. He was telling her that she had to give the Globe back or die as their food right now. But she would never give away the only item in the world that could save her brother. The Globe had lost its light earlier but she could still feel its warmth. It might still work. She just had to get it to Dalaigh. She had to save him. Even if it seemed impossible, even if the Aysiki took her… if he was save (safe) then nothing else matters (mattered).



“Is this really the Reality you want?â€



The Aysiki shrank and backed away from the light the man without a face emitted.



“What are you talking about? This IS reality. There is nothing I can do about that.†She was growing tired of this man without a face.



“If this was reality then how can I be here? I was a mere Fantasy remember?â€



Casidhe was dumbfounded. Fiach had a point there. He was the Soldier of Freedom for sure. But he was locked up in the Realms of Dreams. There was no way he could be here. There was no way a Man without a face could exist in Reality.



“How can a man without a face exist?!â€



“I have a face, dear Casidhe. You just can’t remember it.â€



“What are you talking about?! I never ever saw your face before. Nobody did! You’re a LEGEND, you hear? The man without a face, The Soldier of Freedom? The man that could save this world from those awful Aysiki creatures? That’s YOU. And you’re really not doing (a) great job. Now, just help me save my little brother would you? Those creatures fear you, so I might be able to reach my little brother and save him with this globe of yours.â€



Fiach nodded and guided her to her house where her little brother was fast asleep in his own bed, sick. He was already starting to fade into the darkness. She kneeled down and placed the globe in his hands. He groaned at its warmth.



“Dalaigh, come on. Take it. It will make you feel better. It will heal you. Dalaigh!!â€



He dissapeared, but she couldn’t hear the laughs of the Aysiki nor could she feel the warm hand of Fiach. She could only stare at the spot where used to be her brother and now was an Aysiki. It grinned victoriously at her.



“Casidhe, you should wake up. Look at me.â€



She slowly turned around with tears in her eyes. Her sole purpose of living got (had been) consumed by the darkness and turned in to (into) a Aysiki, the very creature she hated. She would never ever see him again, (.)(run-on sentence) she would never be able to touch him again. She (had) lost him. Her precious little brother, her only light. Nothing mattered anymore if (since) he was gone.



Fiach touched her face. “Remember my face… Casidhe!â€



His light dimmed and slowly but surely they were standing in complete darkness again. Fiach had disappeared together with Dalaigh, she was all alone now as the cold fingers of the Aysiki grabbed her and took her with her for the eternity of darkness. The cold, brute world of Darkness where deaths were the standard. Murders committed without being seen, without hearing the victims. A world of complete nothingness.



“Remember my face…†It echoed through her head as she saw her life passing by.







At her left side she felt her husband’s hand, at her right the small hand of her son. They were quietly talking to one another. Her head was blank. She couldn’t remember anything but the weird nightmare she just had. A nightmare about darkness and no freedom.

Someone entered the room, someone she didn’t know.



“Mister Enos?†Casidhe felt her husband move. “Your wife has been (is) in a severe condition after the car accident (redundant. The husband already knows Casidhe has been in a car accident.), but she seems stable now. Her brains seems to be damaged quite badly and there is a high possibility that she might not remember anything. I am also sorry to tell you that there is a chance she will not (even) awaken from her coma.â€



Her son started to sob. The doctor shouldn’t have bluntly told (said) that while he was in the room. He might be (may have been) 5 years old but he sure was a very clever boy (informal).



“Dalaigh…†Her voice was a mere whisper, but the room went silent instantaneously.



“Mommy?â€



With utmost effort she opened her eyes and smiled to her son. Her husband hurried to her side. “Casidhe…â€



“Fiach.†She wanted to touch him, but she couldn’t move.



“Welcome back, my love.â€





[/quote]
 

HappyNisa

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#9
A wow thank you Hadriel >.<" I found most of my typo's thingies and punctuation failures myself but >.<" ehehe not the grammar ones and the run-ons I fail at those D: well not really coz I understood when you pointed it out >.> seriously I could get a soar head from hitting myself for not seeing that earlier XD



Oh but i mentioned the car accident thingie as the husband might know but the readers wouldnt I was affraid other people else wouldn't notice it was all a dream and think she simply got in a coma cos of al the darkness and stuff >.<" Like you said and I could understand that lool its hard to get it when you don't know that the begin is all a dream. Glad you understood it though D: I'm always affraid that stories about dreams are to hard to understand as lots of unlogical things can happen in them ^^"



Thanks again for the effort of ehm pointing out my msitakes for me ^^"
 
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#10
[quote name='HappyNisa' timestamp='1307211489' post='146264']

A wow thank you Hadriel >.<" I found most of my typo's thingies and punctuation failures myself but >.<" ehehe not the grammar ones and the run-ons I fail at those D: well not really coz I understood when you pointed it out >.> seriously I could get a soar head from hitting myself for not seeing that earlier XD



Oh but i mentioned the car accident thingie as the husband might know but the readers wouldnt I was affraid other people else wouldn't notice it was all a dream and think she simply got in a coma cos of al the darkness and stuff >.<" Like you said and I could understand that lool its hard to get it when you don't know that the begin is all a dream. Glad you understood it though D: I'm always affraid that stories about dreams are to hard to understand as lots of unlogical things can happen in them ^^"



Thanks again for the effort of ehm pointing out my msitakes for me ^^"

[/quote]



Don't sweat it. The errors were mostly minor anyway. Your English is still pretty excellent!



And for the car accident, you could have inserted it into the story in a less awkward manner, such as having Casidhe wonder, "How did I get here? Oh, a car accident lol," or something.
 

HappyNisa

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#12
Ahah oh yeah the lol part does it XD whahah but yeah I guess >.<" I just also had to think about the maximum of words you know D: my entry was 1996 words of the 2000 that were allowed >< but hey D: I was proud of myself lol it was the first time in ENglish and it was the first time I used 2000 words instead of 2000 pages D:

YOu know some of the errors were such stupid Dutch mistakes >.>" like the aroma's part >.>"I know English basicly never use 's for plural thingies.. but yeah woop thanks a lot <3





Thank you Lovely :3 and yeah ended fast >.< probably coz I had like 5 votes and the other person only had mines >.< omg so sad for that person D: and so happy for myself at the same time >< was affraid I'd be the one getting no votes at all D:
 
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