Comments and Critique for The Ronin

[Kaiin Retsu]

Well, here is the topic for you to comment and critique my short story, The Ronin. I know there are quite a few places that have awkward wording, but normally you do not proof read something and correct it until it is finished. This story is not finished. Regardless, I would very much like to hear what everyone has to say about it, and my writing style, which admittedly is probably totally different now than it was 4-5 years ago when I originally worked on this.

 

[kyrararen]

oh, NO!!! disappointing. I wasnt able to take my eyes of it, when suddenly it reached the bottom of page!!No no no!! T^Tcontinue it please... I actually quite been lazy when I saw the long posts you've made. but when I started to read the first paragraph....I couldnt take my eyes. I read it all at once. I like the way you tell the story from multiple point of views. Please let me see the whole complete story before I can tell you what I think about it.