Soooo~ yeah.. i once wrote this short and i really need some feedback and proper constructive criticism.. but bear with me.. i am a newb at writing stories and this is actually my first one ^-^" i also intend to continue it.. somehow.. i just gotta figure out how o_o" so.. please no spamming ^-^" oh and.. copyright goes to me.. if i catch anyone using my story without my permission i'll flame and sue his/her a** off O-O"
A common Day
A loud and earsplitting sound forced it's way through my ears, straight into the depths of my mind -wake up already..?- i grunted and moved my lifeless arm towards the alarm clock. My vision was still blurred and on my way to achieve complete silence, i somehow missed the clock on the bedtable, by a few inches to be exact, and managed to land flat on the ground.. -just my luck..- with a small sigh, i sat up and looked at the alarm clock.. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and kept looking at it.. it was stubborn. I didn't cease to look, my stare turning into a glare, but it still continued to give off this certain terrible sound, like someone was firing into the air with a russian AK-47. -What would i give for this weapon now..- I continued to glare at it, putting all my effort into it in order to make it menacing enough, but the clock unyieldingly continued to ring.. It seemed like an utter lose for my side when, all off the sudden, the clock fell off the bedtable. It happened due to the relentless and stubborn shaking, which had been generated by it, ringing with all it's strength, that made it reach the edge of the table and in the end, fall down. I smiled the smile of a winner and got up -... gotta buy a new clock now.. dammit-
First things first.. bathroom, toilet to be exact. After i finished the both phsycially and psychically straining and exhausting labor, and made sure that there were no exhibits of the brutal fight, that decided between life and death, left, i carried on to wash my hands.. My hands were engulfed by soap, killing millions of innocent bacteria in order to take down the few harmful ones. It was a necessary sacrifice and, knowing that i did the right thing, i continued my daily preparations with head held high to honor the dead. After i splashed some water into my face i finally regained my sight, which made it an awful lot easier to actually SEE what i was doing. With military precision, i captured the toothbrush and the toothpaste and started the daily routine. Running up and down the white hills while cleaning them up.
After so many years of rigorous training, i managed to finish the duty with flying colours and without even breaking a sweat. I hopped out of the bathroom, got dressed and left my home to go to school.
-School.. i am so not in the mood to go to school now.. why is it that never anything interesting happens in this town that could give me a proper excuse to avoid going to school?!- Speaking of the devil. I heard a scream just around the corner. It sounded like that of a little girl.. but somehow, which was utterly disturbing, i had the feeling that it was a grown man who screamed like that.. I dared to peek around the corner. Without even realizing it, i instinctively pulled my head back, seeing a large and thin blade like thing in front of me.. i examined it closer and realized that there were two more of them, and they were all attached to one big and bulky white object.. -An arm?- i stepped back. These blades were moving around like fingers -Me and my huge mouth..-
I looked up. This long white object was attached to something that was even larger.. and it had two red lights on the top part of it.. -the head..?- the red lights were aiming towards me, like they were about to lung at me.. I looked down to examine the rest of this thing.. A huge ballon shaped torso, long thin limbs that looked a lot like legs, and two huge arms with claws, the size of a fricking machete, sticking out from them..
The large, pearlwhite being luckily moved in slow motion, even though, judging from the speed the claws came towards my head just a few seconds ago, i realized that i shouldn't be fooled by it's bulky appearance. I turned around to run away.. nothing happened.. i did it again... nothing happened.. I looked down to my feet to see them shaking like a christmas bell that was held by a 4 year old after it had 7 cups of black coffee. I looked up again..
The sun was completely gone as the massive hand of the being blocked it out -You don't happen to be trying to protect me from a sunburn... do you..?- Three claws came down towards me, aimed for my head. In a truly miraculous way, i managed to dodge by throwing myself to the side, lying on my back now -I should've known better-
As soon as i got back up, i backed away. Averting my eyes from it was similar to signing my own death warrant -minus the annoying paperwork- I bumped into something and, even though i never wanted to, turned my head around to see what i actually bumped into..
-Huge mistake-
Another one, looking exactly like the pearly in front of me, was standing right behind me.. I felt it. Gravity was abrogated and replaced by a stunning pain. I held onto the creatures hand as i coughed up blood, to push myself off it's oversized fingernails, when i suddenly felt another sharp pain, coming from behind. I had three claws sticking out of my back, and three more out of where my stomach used to be..
I gritted my teeth in pain -be careful what you wish for- My legs were swaying around like mad as i tried to free myself, even though i knew that these wounds couldn't be treated with a mere plaster. In fact, not even a whole bunch of plasters could help me now. Even Windex would be rendered useless in front of these gaping wounds that made me look like swiss cheese.
A sound, similar to that of tearing paper, filled the place as everything went numb.. i looked at my legs.. It was kind of fascinating, the longer i was looking at them, the further away they got. With a loud thud, i landed on my back -Just my luck-
The only thing i remember was a cheesy smell and a lot of weight on my torso and head before everything turned dark. -So much for the excuse-
_____________________________________________________________________________
so much for the first part
yeah i know, there's close to no info about the main char and about what's happening but i somehow figured that one wouldn't think about his name, stature, hair color and stuff while facing a huge weird monster thing =D and nobody would care about why it would be there in the first place since survival seems more important than that =D
oh and.. about the windex thing.. that was a reference to My big fat greek wedding =D if you haven't watched it.. you definitely missed something ;D
aanyway.. so.. yeah, please gimme feedback >-<"
A common Day
A loud and earsplitting sound forced it's way through my ears, straight into the depths of my mind -wake up already..?- i grunted and moved my lifeless arm towards the alarm clock. My vision was still blurred and on my way to achieve complete silence, i somehow missed the clock on the bedtable, by a few inches to be exact, and managed to land flat on the ground.. -just my luck..- with a small sigh, i sat up and looked at the alarm clock.. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and kept looking at it.. it was stubborn. I didn't cease to look, my stare turning into a glare, but it still continued to give off this certain terrible sound, like someone was firing into the air with a russian AK-47. -What would i give for this weapon now..- I continued to glare at it, putting all my effort into it in order to make it menacing enough, but the clock unyieldingly continued to ring.. It seemed like an utter lose for my side when, all off the sudden, the clock fell off the bedtable. It happened due to the relentless and stubborn shaking, which had been generated by it, ringing with all it's strength, that made it reach the edge of the table and in the end, fall down. I smiled the smile of a winner and got up -... gotta buy a new clock now.. dammit-
First things first.. bathroom, toilet to be exact. After i finished the both phsycially and psychically straining and exhausting labor, and made sure that there were no exhibits of the brutal fight, that decided between life and death, left, i carried on to wash my hands.. My hands were engulfed by soap, killing millions of innocent bacteria in order to take down the few harmful ones. It was a necessary sacrifice and, knowing that i did the right thing, i continued my daily preparations with head held high to honor the dead. After i splashed some water into my face i finally regained my sight, which made it an awful lot easier to actually SEE what i was doing. With military precision, i captured the toothbrush and the toothpaste and started the daily routine. Running up and down the white hills while cleaning them up.
After so many years of rigorous training, i managed to finish the duty with flying colours and without even breaking a sweat. I hopped out of the bathroom, got dressed and left my home to go to school.
-School.. i am so not in the mood to go to school now.. why is it that never anything interesting happens in this town that could give me a proper excuse to avoid going to school?!- Speaking of the devil. I heard a scream just around the corner. It sounded like that of a little girl.. but somehow, which was utterly disturbing, i had the feeling that it was a grown man who screamed like that.. I dared to peek around the corner. Without even realizing it, i instinctively pulled my head back, seeing a large and thin blade like thing in front of me.. i examined it closer and realized that there were two more of them, and they were all attached to one big and bulky white object.. -An arm?- i stepped back. These blades were moving around like fingers -Me and my huge mouth..-
I looked up. This long white object was attached to something that was even larger.. and it had two red lights on the top part of it.. -the head..?- the red lights were aiming towards me, like they were about to lung at me.. I looked down to examine the rest of this thing.. A huge ballon shaped torso, long thin limbs that looked a lot like legs, and two huge arms with claws, the size of a fricking machete, sticking out from them..
The large, pearlwhite being luckily moved in slow motion, even though, judging from the speed the claws came towards my head just a few seconds ago, i realized that i shouldn't be fooled by it's bulky appearance. I turned around to run away.. nothing happened.. i did it again... nothing happened.. I looked down to my feet to see them shaking like a christmas bell that was held by a 4 year old after it had 7 cups of black coffee. I looked up again..
The sun was completely gone as the massive hand of the being blocked it out -You don't happen to be trying to protect me from a sunburn... do you..?- Three claws came down towards me, aimed for my head. In a truly miraculous way, i managed to dodge by throwing myself to the side, lying on my back now -I should've known better-
As soon as i got back up, i backed away. Averting my eyes from it was similar to signing my own death warrant -minus the annoying paperwork- I bumped into something and, even though i never wanted to, turned my head around to see what i actually bumped into..
-Huge mistake-
Another one, looking exactly like the pearly in front of me, was standing right behind me.. I felt it. Gravity was abrogated and replaced by a stunning pain. I held onto the creatures hand as i coughed up blood, to push myself off it's oversized fingernails, when i suddenly felt another sharp pain, coming from behind. I had three claws sticking out of my back, and three more out of where my stomach used to be..
I gritted my teeth in pain -be careful what you wish for- My legs were swaying around like mad as i tried to free myself, even though i knew that these wounds couldn't be treated with a mere plaster. In fact, not even a whole bunch of plasters could help me now. Even Windex would be rendered useless in front of these gaping wounds that made me look like swiss cheese.
A sound, similar to that of tearing paper, filled the place as everything went numb.. i looked at my legs.. It was kind of fascinating, the longer i was looking at them, the further away they got. With a loud thud, i landed on my back -Just my luck-
The only thing i remember was a cheesy smell and a lot of weight on my torso and head before everything turned dark. -So much for the excuse-
_____________________________________________________________________________
so much for the first part
yeah i know, there's close to no info about the main char and about what's happening but i somehow figured that one wouldn't think about his name, stature, hair color and stuff while facing a huge weird monster thing =D and nobody would care about why it would be there in the first place since survival seems more important than that =Doh and.. about the windex thing.. that was a reference to My big fat greek wedding =D if you haven't watched it.. you definitely missed something ;D
aanyway.. so.. yeah, please gimme feedback >-<"